Arrive with a guy, leave with another!

Ok so today was Homecoming or yesterday was. I was really excited. Our mum and garter exchange went well this week. My sister made the mum and garter again this year. They turned out great.:)

The Pep Rally was awesome. We had tryouts for the routine and I earned my place up in the front. Yay me:) I totally got super crunk at the pep rally. Even though there were a lot of people there. We wore jersey's of different sports. Of course the biggest jersey they have goes to one of the tinest people on the team...me! Damn, those football players are huge. I was #44!

The football game was awsome. We won, of course, against Molina! yay. I was the best "8" in "2008" you can ever imagine. haha. Here are just a few of the pictures we took at the game. All three of my sisters made shirts with pictures of me on them. I love it.:)

Well Homecoming started out pretty good. We took pictures, then went out to eat to B.J's. I will confess something though. Remeber Nik? The guy i had a crush on? Well all throught dinner i was txting him off of Denise's phone. I promiced him i would dance with him. lol. I know its wrong, because i had a date but still. Nik made me happy. He also confessed that he was going to ask me to homecoming right before Clint did. I kinda felt bad because i felt like i should have waited. I wanted to go with Nik but i knew it would be wrong to tell Clint no. And sorta last minute. I wish Nik would have asked me though. The night would have ended better. He wrote me on Myspace telling me he liked me.:)
*
Well me liking Nik led to more drama. The whole night at the dance Clint kept making it seem like we were back together, and we weren't. We were only there as friends. JUST as friends! I danced with Nik a couple times while Clint was standing there. Oh well it happened. Can't change the past. Clint got angry and left. Who leaves?! I mean there was no reason to leave and practically ditch me. If Clint was trying to go back out with me, he did a horrible job of showing it. I called him asking him where he was and he told me just left and hung up. It's not like i made out with Nik in front of him or anything. We were just dancing. Well, other than Clint leaving, the rest of the night turned out great. Nik ended up basically being my date. Denise had pretty much the same drama also and ended up dancing with a guy named Stephen the entire night. We both agreed we should have went with the guys we wanted to go with. Oh and the best part is, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know right...random?! Well actually i'm going to confess something. I have the password to Denise's myspace and i read a conversation of Nik and Denise talking about him asking me out. So i kinda knew ahead of time before it happened but just didnt know when it was going to happen. It was funny because he acted like something was wrong. And i kept on asking him what was wrong and he said he would tell me later. I knew that was it but i didnt think he would actually go through with it. Once the dance was over he pulls me aside and asks me out. I say, "sure". SURE?! Was that the best i could come up with or what?! I laughed about it in my head. That was the lameee. lol "Hey you wanna date?", "sure." haha. So retarded. I'm glad he asked me though. I'm kind of excited as to what this relationship will bring. This has turned into a long post so i will write more later. :) Good Night!



So basically i arrived with an ex, left with a boyfriend.:)
How weird and horrible is that...lol
haha.
This is the new boyfriend.

How much Divorce affects me.

I never thought of having a blog before but someone close to me told me its better to write your feelings down than have them bundled up inside you. I figured i would give it a try. My parents were pretty into each other at the time. Both my Mom and my Dad were married previously. My Mom had two children with her previous husband. My sisters, Michelle and Sarah. My Dad also had a kid, named Tanya. My dad has always been a alcoholic. He never got along with my Grandparents or his sisters and brother. My mom on the other hand was close to her Dad. Well im not so sure how my parents acutally met, but i know they got along most of the time. My dad was abusive to my mom and hit her every once in a while. My sisters were afraid of him because he would say he would burn the house down. My mother couldnt do anything about because she had no money and no family in TX. (originally from New Mexico) When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad had hit her and thrown her on the bed in a hotel room. This caused the placenta to tear and my life to be in danger. My mom went to the doctor and they asked her if she wanted to keep it, that she would have to stay in bed for 7 months and not move or do anything athletic. If she was to move, she would cause more damage and possibly lose me. So for that time she stayed in bed. She didnt move. My sisters would help her to the bathroom and feeding her. My dad of course, was at the bar, getting drunk and hitting on other women. Once i was born, i was very small and had a heart murmor. (hole in the heart) I had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks in order for it to heal. Once i was finally old enough to leave the hospital my mom secretly left my dad while he was at the bar. She got a moving truck and moved everything she owned into storage. She took me and we lived in a shelter for months hiding from my dad. My sisters went up to live with my grand-parents in NM. My dad is a powerful man and can get anything he wants. He's wealthy and has a lot of connections. My mom filed for a divorce and told the judge that my dad was a drunk. He twisted things around and told her she was a drunk. Being the powerful guy he is, they believed him. My mom had no money and no home. My sister Tanya begged her to take her with her. But since she wasn't her parent she wasnt allowed. She worked at a church and a daycare center trying to get by. The judge finally decited that neither would have full custody of me, and that i would have to go to my dads every other weekend and every thursday. There was nothing they could do. I absolutly HAD to go with him no matter what. It was when i turned 12 that i would be able to tell the judge who i wanted to live with. While i was growing up i ended up getting both a step-mom and a step-dad. With that came with step-brothers and step-sisters. My step-mom has practically been my savior. She's always taken care of me, knowing what kind of man my dad is she still stays with him because of me. She claims she will stay with me and my dad until i graduate, once this is done she says shes moving out. I feel bad for her because everyone has always tried to take care of me. I dont want people to go through something they shouldnt because of me. Throughout my life, both of my parents, especially my mom, have been telling me to choose who i want to live with. Im 16 already and i cant choose between them. Without my dad my mom wouldnt be able to afford the house she lives in or do anything that she does. My dad's child-support has helped us get by time and time again. My dad doesnt have any one. He doesnt talk to his family or anyone he used to. The only people that seem to be important to him is his friends at the bar. My mom and I constantly fight non-stop and we never get along long enough to where we can actually have a conversation. My sisters have moved out and live together now. Although they say i can tell them anything they will never understand fully what im going through. No one understands why i am the way that i am. Ive been hurt by so many people that i cant grasp the fact that i have some people that actually DO care about me. My parents divorce lasted 4 years until it was confirmed and processed. Ive been told many stories about how abusive my dad is. ive also been told that my mom is crazy and that she starts problems. Both of these stories have come from both sides of the family. I'm not 100% sure if either of these are true or not. I have only what i know from experiences. I know my dad is a drunk. I know my mom is bipolar. It just sucks i get caught in the middle. I see people with their families and i get kinda sad. I wish i had a normal life where i can live in one place and not move around.

Although this happened to me in the past, my life growing up hasnt been a total waste.
Ive met great people and done great things for myself. My best friend Denise knows probably more than anyone knows about me. She's been through everything with me. The times where i don't want to live. Or just want to run away from it all. I have no idea what i would do without her. She's definetly my strength and my hope. High school is almost done. One more year left. I think i can handle it without breaking down. Completely.

"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win."

-Steph

I have a little bit of a crush!

Ok so its been about a month and a half since me and Clint have been broken up. Jr year has started and everything seems to be going well. Clint and I started talking again and became friends. He also asked me to homecoming. I said yes because i figure it would be good for us, in order to stay friends. So at the moment we both have no intention of dating one anther. Although back in August, my sweet 16 really wasn't so sweet. It was "Pimp and Ho" themed and everyone had to dress up. I invited Clint because we always seemed to have fun at parties together. I didnt know he actually had a plan to get me back. He got drunk with my friend Matt and started acting like a fool. Of course i wasnt exactly sober myself. I started dancing in a skirt with nothing under it! I have never in my life done anything like that. The party was fun though. Matt, Clint, Adrian and Denise stayed over. Well Matt and Clint stayed over because they were too drunk to drive home. My sister refused to give them their keys. I thought it was kinda funny. haha. I dont actually remember that much. My sister Tanya told my friend Ashton he looked like the Jonas Brothers. haha. (He kinda does the more i think about it. lol) Clint, Adrain, Matt and I fell asleep on the living room floor. Denise was on the couch and Lila had found a bed upstairs. lol. Of course Clint slept by me. I didnt have a problem with it until he tried to hug me, i guess trying to remind me of how things used to be. I felt uncomfortable and didnt think it was appropriate. I told him to stop and moved away. Other than that I remember waking up at 5 in the morning to Clint's phone alarm. It was a cat meowing. I dont think i realized it but I said "Clint, you mind turning off your cat?" We all busted out laughing and then i couldnt stop laughing. It was really funny. I dont think i've ever been that drunk in public before.

Heres some pics:

Man, that was a fun night.

:)
Ok back to subject.:)

Me and Clint are still on for homecoming, but i'm starting to like this guy named Nik. I don't really know him that well, just that he is Denise's "best friend". I sit next to him at lunch and we talk sometimes on the computer. He seems really nice. I know that his mom is in jail or was in jail. But thats ok with me. I don't know what it is about him but i cant stop thinking about him. Plus, he's absolutly adorable! No redneck inside him whatsoever.:) Whoop. After homecoming i might tell him i like him. Who knows. Ugh. I better not get involved with him. He doesn't need to deal with a train wreck like me.:/ Ugh but i can't stop thinking about him. I look forward everyday to seeing him at lunch. He's just got this soft side to him that i completely love. Plus he looks very nice in a football uniform. haha. Ok you caught me. I do check him out at games. haha. I can't help it, he seem to perfect to be real. I wish i knew how to handle this. Ugh.

Coming soon...Homecoming Pics:)

-Steph