well.

well, basically my life has been shot to hell in the past week and a half.
lost a friend.
figures.
lose em every day i guess.
i dont really appreciate the fact your puttin my shit on blogger.
not gonna get mad.
just sayin it none of ANYONES business.
The only reason we havent been as close is because you have your group of friends and i have mine.
basically our only mutual friend is denise and sometimes nick.
yeah we both make horrible choices.
we're still alike i know.
you leave me a stupid ass message, lecturing me about losing my best friend when we've been through soooo much worse.
bull shit.
uncalled for.
none of your business.
sorry im not perfect like you.
i tell lies sure.
who doesnt???
remember we're the same person???
hmmmm wonder why.
before you get on me and my problems, figure out your own.
like maybe who you REALLY love?
have you really loved all your boyfriends?
seems like it.
give it up.
they were in your life, obviously not in love with you so give someone else a damn chance.
you tried to come between two best friends, didnt really work out.
we're still best friends, whether you hate one of us or both of us.
suck on that.
sorry i guess i just became a bit bitter.
it hurts you think i would lie about me goin in the hospital.
one i didnt tell you.
and two, wasnt gonna.
to be honest i could care less whether or not you believe anything i say.
its life, people suck big flippin deal.
you need to figure out whats important to you.
take it from someone whos been there.
don't make someone your everything when they only make you an option.
to be honest i dont like your bf, just like you didnt like mine.
there is a reason i didnt get involved with that.
but ill let you make your mistakes and let you get on with your life.
no sense in having a friend that only causes you drama.
yup.
call me when you figure out what you want PEYTON.

Worst week of my life.

I definety wrote carl the longest email ever today. I told him im done. He cheated on me and then dated this girl the day after we break up? what kind of bull shit is that?
damn his ass is mine.

I wrote him this: probably the longest message ive ever written. He hasnt responded yet, who knows.

I dont know what i would do without peyt and denise.
They are my family.
They mean the world to me.
Ive never had such supporters in my life.
They are the only ones that i can talk to about this and the only ones that are willing to listen.
i love you guys..:(

well then

So me an Carl are officially over. This is some crap. Ive stuck through everything with him. With his damn friends, when he had a warrent out. EVERYTHING! And he does this to me? I did something to me i cant take back. Its undoable. I make a few mistakes and he makes more. And i get to be the bad guy. I know it shouldnt bother me, but it does. because even though he doesnt want to be with me, I still wanna be with him. No matter what. Ive given up sooo much for him and it cant even see it. If he wants this. fine. Im gone and he can be sure im NOT coming back.

hmm its been a while.

I'm usually really good at keeping up to date with my blog. Lately, not so much. There's been so much going on it's UNREAL. The last couple of weeks have been hell. And probably the worst in a long time. I've had to deal with almost all of Carl's friends thinking im cheating on him. I had to deal with the fact i basically failed at life. My dream is no longer my dream. My best friend basically doesnt talk to me anymore. Isn't that great? ha, not. Its been so freakin overwhelming lately that i havent been on the best terms with everyone. I dont really care that much any more. I want out of this stupid shit.