Old Blogs

In case everyone was wondering i deleted my old blogs. I re-read them and they just reminded me of the depressed old me, and i hate that. I figure i would move on and get over everything that has happened to me. Life has been going pretty good for me now. I really don't know how the sudden change happened...but it did. School is good. Family is pretty good. Well, except for some crazy story about someone breaking in the house...which is gay and probably untrue. (remember, my parents are divorced and i go back and forth to my moms and dads) And maybe its true, i mean, it is the holidays and people go crazy. lol. I can't say i believe at love at first sight...but he can. He says he loves me but yet, i've been told that before and they ended up cheating on me. So really, i'm not so sure what to believe. I thought it was over when he broke my heart. And everyone is going to call me crazy for staying with him, because really there isn't any excuse as to why he did this. Wanna know? Well, of course Myspace is a big, ol' dramatic scene and everyone has drama going on. (I swear Myspace is nothing but drama, stupid drama.) A few nights before this, well almost like a week before this, i had the worst dream i could possibly imagine.

Dream- *I was at my house and my best friend, Denise, called me to come over. I had nothing better to do so i decited to go over there. I get there and i see a whole bunch of people i dont know and have never seen before. Everyone was swimming in her pool and I see Nik hanging out with this girl. Im not sure who she is but i automatically knew she was from Wylie, Tx. They are in the hot tub and i walk in, of course he doesnt see me and i go towards Denise asking her who all these people are. She says they are his Wylie friends. (apparantly he went to a school in Wylie or something like that before he moved here) Im ok with that, i dont care if he talks to his friends, they are his friends...why not? you know? Anyways, he finally decides to come say hi to me, kisses me, then goes back into the pool with this girl. And this girl's not an ugly girl. Shes blond and has pretty eyes. :/ kinda depresses me. haha. Well, the more i think about this girl, i think sometime in my dream that shes his ex girlfriend.* (We had a conversation that night before i went to sleep about how this girl named Meagan had cheated on him. How she was the first girl he had "really" liked and so i told him about my experience and how it hurt me.) Well, he ignored me the entire night in my dream, and i know it sounds dumb but i woke up crying because i was so scared that it was real. My friend came over to pick me up and shes asking me all sorts of questions about why im crying and i just can answer them. I told Nik about the dream i had and he's all telling me, "oh, i would never do that do you." "That would never happen." So im thinking, maybe im just going retarded and thinking too much. After school that day i go home and get on Myspace AKA Dramatic Scene, and go to his page just like i always do. And of course, i get freaked out because i see a girl named Meagan, just two people under me, with blond hair and pretty eyes. This freaks the crap out of me and i get to thinking again. People say your dreams mean something so i asked everyone and they couldnt figure it out either. I felt bad and remembered what he told me. How he would never think of doing anything and that it would never happen. So i let it go for about a week. So its about 3 days ago. My friend Denise comes over to stay the night and we have a blast. I see this girl, that ive never met, dont know who she is, saying "i love you so so so much." to Nik on his myspace, where EVERYONE can see it. I get pissed!! I decide to add her. You know...sometimes you get curious as to what people say back. Lets just say for some reason, i wasnt really hoping for the best. She adds me, suprisingly, and i read her comments. And you know what i see?! Nik saying, " i love you too." "hey boo." Boo??? the fuck?? Since when does he call someone "boo"?? i get so mad a irratated that i start yelling while my friend is telling me to calm down. I figure, why is he saying he loves his ex, that means nothing to him. And why is he telling me the same thing? I understand if they are friends. Ex's can be friends. But you dont go and tell your ex you love them if you dont. Especially your ex! I dont know maybe i got jealous. (Well, im not the jealous type but i was then.) Words couldnt describe how hurt i was. From that point i decited never to believe anything he told me. He tried to explain it to me. And i kinda believed him, but obviously he didnt mean it enough because that girl's freakin face is still on his page. Im not gonna tell him to take it off though. Its not my place to tell him who he should talk to or have on his top. So i decided to put my ex on there. I was so mad at the time that i was gonna put my ex in FRONT of Nik just to piss him off. haha. But i decided that wouldnt end well and i cant stand my ex, so it was no use in starting crap that didnt need to be started. Nik really broke my heart into a million pieces. I guess im kinda over it now but i still think about it every once in a while. Ugh. Drama is bullshit. haha Well, yeah theres my weekend for ya. Besides all that drama i went Christmas shopping yesterday. Got a lot of stuff for my family. Not so sure what to get the boyfriend yet. lol. Any ideas?? Well im gonna take a shower. Will write more later. :)

(sorry if there are a few spelling errors, i was typing fast) lol.:)

Lots of love.

-Steph