BOREDDDDD

So I'm sitting here lying around with my blanket and stuffed animal, Austin Kidd Jr. I sound like a have a frog in my throat. Since it hurts to talk I thought I would express my thoughts as well....i’m bored. I love summertime, family time, friends, flip-flops, long swims, sunshine, the lake, tanning, snow cones and watermelon. Those are the things I think of when it comes to summer. Now winter is my favorite time of the year but summer is pretty awesome too. I just don't like the heat. But I love putting my Maroon Five, Aerosmith, or Def Leppard CD's in and turning them up as loud as I can stand it with all the windows rolled down and singing to the top of my lungs. Random note: I'm watching “Finding Nemo” right now and can't help but laugh at Ellen's awesome performance. I'm counting down to Army Wives Season 3 premiere right now... I love Army Wives! I'm not sure if it’s because I'm with someone in the Army or what but that show is awesome! I feel like I can relate to every character and there aren't too many shows out there that do that for me. I bought tickets to see my solider I get to see him in less than 10 days. I can't wait. I love seeing him. He is my best friend. I have more fun with him than anyone else. He always knows how to make me laugh and is always there. I'm lucky in love with my best friend!!!! My Jesus i'm extremely bored.....

Life and other shenanigans

I've finally found myself in a decent relationship. I've always had the outlook that all relationships are abusive, and if they aren't, they will be someday…considering my mom and dad’s relationship. I guess it's a consequence of my mom's example, and I really do wish that I didn't think that way, but to my core, that’s what I believe. Whether it’s mentally or physically. I'm trying so hard to overcome that, but it’s hard. I will get there someday, though. I haven’t told Austin that yet…kind of scared to hear what he thinks. I've been dating the same guy for over 8 months now. (our 9 month is in later July). He's not perfect. He makes a lot of mistakes, is easily angered and bipolar some times. He's a genius though, and way smarter than I ever will be. No, he's not perfect, but he appreciates me. He loves me and cares for me, spoils me rotten, and protects me without hesitation. He trusts me, most of the time, truly, and has told me several times that someday, he plans on marrying me. He treats me right. I feel loved, and, amazingly, I love him. He helps me overcome that stupid belief I have that all relationships are abusive, or will be. I've gotten so mad at him before, cussing him out and throwing out serious below-the-belt comments, and he just apologized and tried to rationalize with me. He's been through quite a bit of horrible shit, too, much more than I have, so he understands me, and I try to understand him. My boyfriend is my best friend. Sometimes I worry that I cling to him because I’m so broken. I'm not big on attention like a lot of girls. Sometimes, when I'm feeling ugly or down, I'm thankful, but most of the time I just wish people wouldn't pay notice to me. I want to be invisible, as odd as it sounds. I don't doubt for a minute that he loves me, and I love him. But would we have made it as far as we did if it weren't for our shallowness? Just worries. Just thoughts. And after writing it, it seems a little silly. Me being a fixer seems real, but setting myself up to get hurt doesn't. He loves me, and he's proud to have me as his girlfriend. Right? I just….I love being with him and talking to him and hanging out, but the truth is that I want more. I want the hand-holding, and the calls goodnight. I want to walk around the mall with his arm around me. I want him to look at me the same way that I look at him. I want him to tell me that I'm beautiful and funny even if my jokes are lame and I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I want that intimacy and trust and everything else that comes from being in a good relationship. I want all of that, and it sucks that I can't have it because he’s all the way up north, and I’m stuck in Texas…