Why can't things just be simple. I feel like everything in life is taken to a place where it's just so fucking complicated. I don't want complicated, no one does. We all take something so plain and turn it into this over-analyzation of nonsense. I wish that people (including myself) could just take something as it is, without making it into a bigger deal. I mean doesn't over analyzing just make things harder? Whatever, i'm just babbling. I feel like shit right now actually. My pride, my hope, and my self-esteem were just extremely altered. I hate letting one person destroy my emotions, but when it's someone who you thought you cared for...it makes it really hard to push aside.
Today I choose to stop letting my family have power over me. I choose to stop allowing how they act affect me. I'm not going to be angry, or bitter because of how they are toward me. But instead I'm going to ignore their ways. I'm going to just focus on my life. I'm not going to let how they treat me define me and how I respond to the hurt anymore.
Some families are close. Some families they love and support each other. They may get into disagreements at times, but later make up. They get hugs and kisses and I love you's. They get parents who support their dreams and actually have relationships with them.
Some people aren't so lucky. To me, even if you are from a foster home, or you are adopted, be thankful that you had another place to go. Be thankful that those other people took you in. Hope they were kind to you. Because you don't really know if your parents were even mentally able to love and care for you. Don't think things would be better if you lived with your natural parents.
I lived with my natural parents and it was pure hell on earth. I wish I was given up for adoption or in a foster home...I just might have gotten the love I needed. Growing up with no hugs, kisses, support, encouragement...feeling like you are the only one who will protect yourself. It's a harsh reality to many. And just to think there is always someone out there experiencing worst than what I've even gone through. Some children, even in the USA, parents abandon them while they are young 10, younger or older and they have no adult to take them in...they have been left to the streets to sell themselves to they can survive and feed their other siblings. Some kids get beat so badly they are hospitalized and some die.
Even though my childhood and adulthood has been hard I'm trying to hold on to some hope. At least Austin loves me.
